Cupid’s a girl in this one, and that’s not a spoiler because it happens in the first twenty minutes of an incredibly long game. She’s Cupid, that’s the goddamn big secret, and also the Parthenon is real, the Gods constantly watch over and judge us and she’s going to make humans fall in love without her Bow to prove her father wrong.
No, wait, that’s not the deep secret, that’s literally true in every game like this. Lynette is confident in the challenge, even though she herself has a deep secret: she’s never been in love. Lynette eagerly takes the challenge, and, through a series of insane decisions, ends up hosting a reality TV show, where the five very pretty men and Lynette all live together in a house for a period of time. Her boss, one Shelby Snail, has promised her a promotion if she can do the impossible: get five candidates from the company, named the Parasite 5, successful matches so they get married and stop embarrassing themselves. One that’s incredibly successful, and Lynette has no small part to play in its success. Let’s cover our bases really quickly: Cupid Parasite is about our fearless female protagonist (who can be any name, but I went with the default Lynette Mirror) who works at a match-making company. I mean, it’s contrite, but it’s a super convenient chapter for my analogy. Instead, you want to bite into this meaty treat and get the flavor profile you expect, perhaps elevated with condiments and toppings, and come away satisfied. Both of those instances will get your establishment shuttered and perhaps an exorcist called. You aren’t expecting a burger to suddenly be filled with ball bearings to make you think about the death of the cow you ate, or for the burger to turn the tables and start trying to eat you. You can go into most restaurants, food shacks and fast food joints and get a burger, and there’s hopefully be something different about each one. There are a hundred, nay, a thousand different ways to make a burger, and most of them come from Bob Belcher. But I prefer to think of certain games, especially otome titles, as an exercise in hamburgers. Fans like to look at Doki Doki Literature Clubas an example of taking the game and flipping the meta to make a psychological tour de force that isn’t easily forgotten. When you look at visual novels that focus on romantic angles, there’s been this sort of overly dramatic focus in trying to break new ground and craft audacious scenarios. The reason is that you don’t need to be innovative or drastically different as long as what you’re doing appeases the fanbase in the right way. Romantic comedies take a lot of flack in the movie community, and yet they continue to fill theaters and generate blu-ray sales each and every season.
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